The Tourist's Prayer Our heavenly Father, look down on us, your humble, obedient servants, doomed to travel this earth, taking photographs, mailing postcards, and walking around in drip dry underwear. We beseech thee, oh Jesus, to see that our plane is not hijacked, our luggage not lost, and that our overweight baggage goes unnoticed. Protect us from unscrupulous taxi drivers, porters, and unlicensed English-speaking guides. Give us this day, divine guidance in the selection of our hotels, that we may find our reservations honored, our rooms made up, and hot water in the taps. We pray that the telephone works, and that operators somewhere speak English, and that there is no mail waiting from loved ones needing money. Lead us, O God, to good, inexpensive restaurants, where the food is good, the waiters are friendly, and the wine is included. Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand, and forgive us for under tipping out of ignorance, and over tipping out of fear. Make the natives love us for what we are, and not for what worldly goods we can bring them. Give us the strength to visit the museums, cathedrals, palaces, and castles listed as a "must" in the guidebooks. And, if per chance we take a nap after lunch or skip a historic monument, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak. Please, God, keep our wives from spending sprees and protect them from bargains they do not need, nor can afford. Lead them not into temptation, for they know not what they do. Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making a fool of themselves in caf�s and nightclubs. Above all, do not forgive them their trespasses, for they know exactly what they do. And when our travels are over and we return to our loved ones, grant us the favor that someone will look at our videos and listen to our stories so that our lives as tourists will not have been in vain. Amen. |
